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Modern Major General

Modern Major General (fixed, without puncuation) - Intermediate

I am the very model of a modern Major-General I've information vegetable animal and mineral I know the kings of England and I quote the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo in order categorical I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical I understand equations both the simple and quadratical About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse I'm very good at integral and differential calculus I know the scientific names of beings animalculous In short in matters vegetable animal and mineral I am the very model of a modern Major-General I know our mythic history King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's I answer hard acrostics I've a pretty taste for paradox I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform In short in matters vegetable animal and mineral I am the very model of a modern Major-General In fact when I know what is meant by mamelon and ravelin When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a Javelin When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at And when I know precisely what is meant by commissariat When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery In short when I've a smattering of elemental strategy You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee For my military knowledge though I'm plucky and adventury Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century But still in matters vegetable animal and mineral I am the very model of a modern Major-General